When a man and a woman decide to exercise their intimate franchise
behind closed doors, pleasure, most of the time, tops the list of their
agenda. The pleasure is even more pleasurable when it is stolen
pleasure. You know the logic of the forbidden fruits and so on? Right,
when a man is stealing into the secret place of a woman he has not or
does not even have the intention of marrying, he tends to put more man
hours on the job. He visits the secret place religiously and tills the
land like he wants the harvest the following day.
But we all know this behind-closed-door
farmer is not your regular farmer. In fact, research has shown that he
is more a thief than a farmer. Unfortunately, he continues to sneak into
secret places and vandalizing them, sometimes leaving tell tale signs
of wear and tear.
Even as you read this, an unsuspecting secret room
is being vigorously tilled by a farmer who has no intention of waiting
for the harvest. Whether the owner of the secret place is ready for the
consequences of the vigorous work or the ‘thieving farmer’ is prepared
to harvest the fruits of his labour, nature just does what is expected
She allows the ooohs and aaaahs, the shuddering to a pure
heavenly halt and then she mixes what needs to be mixed and pronto there
is a little Abel or Jane, or even Jane and Abel, on the way. A few
short weeks later, the woman announces the result:
‘I’m pregnant.’ ‘Honey, you are going to be a father.’ ‘The doctor confirmed that I’m eight weeks gone…’
For a good farmer, that is a happy, memorable historic occasion. For
the thieving farmer, it’s the moment the monster in him comes to town.
He flips. He accuses her of trying to trap him. Every time I hear that you-want-to-trap-me-with-pregnancy
part, I get this strong urge to go fishing in the man’s mouth with
spanners. Pray, why is it a woman who traps a man when he’s the one who
opens the bottle and fills it to the brim?
When a man goes to work
ON (synonym: on top of) a woman, isn’t she the one ‘trapped’ under him
until he is done? So, whether she is on top or under, she is the one at
the receiving end.
Why then do men cry wolf when they are the wolves?
Why am I even asking? Some men just like to point-and-kill and move on.
That is a truth all women must accept. It is a truth all mothers must
teach their daughters.
That brings us to the puzzle of the
week: what does a girl do when the man who filled her bottle to the brim
bails out on her, denies responsibility, accuses her of sleeping with other guys, anything to get on the first flight out of her life?
Should she just empty the bottle, flush the milk down the drain?
Should she embark on a carefully executed revenge mission?
Should she make the best of a bad situation and keep the milk?
In plain language, when a woman discovers that the man she has been
sleeping with is not in the relationship for the long haul that she is
on her own now that she’s pregnant, what is her best option; an abortion
or she should keep the baby? While you are pondering that, let us agree
on one point.
A woman having unprotected sex cannot feign shock
when she misses her period unless she has reached menopause and
sometimes that ‘pause’ has been known to restart, making grandmothers
mothers all over again. A woman, married or unmarried, who is allergic
to condom and is not on the pills or any reliable contraceptive should
abstain from sex. Unless she is totally trying to conceive.
go into the rain without an umbrella, you will get drenched. You can
blame the men from now till hell cools over, the truth is, unless in
cases of rape, women are always willing parties in this matter of the
rejected bottled milk. They willingly let the men in, allow them to
do their door-to-door delivery and then scream when the bottle is
already full and corked. Women need to get a grip and stop pretending
that they were not aware that seeds grow.
Again, I do not also buy
the defence of women who say they didn’t know that the men would run at
the sound of the patter of tiny feet. No, unless we are fooling
ourselves, a woman can tell when a man is just a passerby, a
But sometimes we just ‘faith it’ and hope that as we
give him more perks from the secret chambers, he will change his
wandering ways and settle down. It does not happen most of the time. A
man suffering from wanderlust does not have roots.
He’s a man
with endless supply of milk and he’s just looking for where to dump his
load. Here’s a quick checklist of men to avoid having naked sex with; a
married man, your boss, an old bachelor with four children from four
women…but we will do a full conference on them soon. Back to the main
issue. What should a woman do with a denied pregnancy, when she is faced
with the-baby-is-not-mine verdict?
Abortion is usually what comes to her mind. It is also what the guy
will suggest. But I think abortion is a decision women take out of
panic, when they are in tears, depressed and wondering ‘what will people
But the risks last far beyond the night. The reality of such
decisions dawns when the consequences have become irreversible. You
think I’m talking about abortion procured from quack doctors or in the
back-room of a ‘chemist’? No, or not really.
Sometimes an abortion
done in a good hospital may still go wrong. Where the woman does not pay
with her life, her fertility may be impaired forever. I know a woman
who lost a fallopian tube after a couple of abortions and still went
ahead to have seven children. I also know a young woman who had just one
abortion and has been married for nine years now without a child. Every
time we talk she says she regrets the abortion she had 12 years ago.
You never can tell which group you belong. From where I stand, a woman
owns the baby. She owns the workshop, the factory line and everything
there-from. She is the one who knows what to do with bottled milk. It is painful when you discover that you have been taken or a ride, used
and dumped but when the finished product is handed to you in the labour
room, the sense of achievement a woman feels blots out every misery,
When your baby’s inquiring lips close on your nipple
for the first time, there are really no words to describe the joy, the
Keep your bottled milk because of the
long-term satisfaction you will get. Let the thieving farmer go. It’s
his loss and you know what, cowardly men like him always return with
their heads bowed, tails in between their legs.
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Labels: #featured, #StefnSylvester, Life, Non-Fiction